Last week, after one and half hour of Yoga training, I got an insight. I was so clear in my head and just wanted to connect with myself more with meditation. I started to see my fear of losing other people in my life. It mostly people whom I care about and I have feelings for. I saw that because of this fear, I somehow didn’t express who I really am. I somehow felt like me, the person I am , is just ” too much” and therefore I should contain it. Either way these people may leave me.
This realisation and bitter truth really hit me and I wanted to overcome this fear so that I can fully express myself in life and live a life that I meant to live on this planet ( it is not like we are moving to another planet any sooner ;)) So , where should I start? What should I do to genuinely express myself without worrying about who is coming and who is leaving?
I came to northern Norway to visit my best friend and also start the new year with her. Can’t believe I have already been here for six days and I am leaving tomorrow. Just by spending these days with her made me realize how different we are from each other yet how deep our friendship is. We are totally different in every way. Yet it made me think, why we can be close with some people and with the others despite of the fact that we all are different.
I even discussed this with her, and we agreed that it all comes down to acceptance. How ready you aren’t to accept the other person as he or she is. Of course this acceptance has to be mutual in order to build a relationship between the two different people. If one of them is not ready then nothing will work out between them. This is true even on big political issue and I believe that is why we have wars on our beloved planet.
We should be allowed to have different opinion and ideas yet also learn to respect others ideas too. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you should blindly believe others and change your way of living or thinking according to other people. It simply means listen and respect.
Lots of love
Not long ago, I caught myself being judgmental towards some people. I was so certain that what they did were wrong. But then I asked this very question from myself. They did something wrong according to who? me? the society? or God?
When it concerns me, I reflected so much about this judgment, and I couldn’t find a solid base for my judgment. If I said they were ” wrong” then did I mean that I was ” right”?It can always be other way around if you change your perspective. But, what bothered me the most was that why did I judge people at the first place? Because it troubles me more than it troubles others. The person whom I judged might not even care about what I think. So where did this judgement come from? I then realise that I judge myself as well. I judge myself based on my past ” mistakes”, which wasn’t actually a mistake when I did them, but then my later version became so ” righteous” that she decided to pass her judgment on my older version , or the younger self, and decided that she is guilty. Because she is a perfectionist, and she couldn’t tolerate my decisions. Continue reading
Most of the time, we are so busy to make connection with other people, we neglect ourself without being consciously aware of it. This is true especially if you are in a relationship where you spend too much time and energy thinking what you can do for making things work between you and the other person. The more you struggle in a relationship, the more you neglect yourself . This is true with any kind of relationship. Wether it is the people who you call friend or a lover or literally anyone. If you find yourself using too much time thinking what you should do to keep this relationship to bloom, you end up doing things that is not natural for you. This gives the other person the wrong impression about who you are. And once in a while , when you act normal and don’t try anything to make this person happy, you will be critisized , people will ask you what is wrong with you. And right there , you may have to end the relationship for good.
The more you neglect yourself, the more you feel frustrated and you lose connection with the one person in the universe who can offer you the best advice, and that is you yourself. That is when you get depressed, confused and all that negativity.
So, maybe it’s time for you to meet yourself. The part of yourself that is strong, independent, capable of making choices and take responsibilities. When you are connected with yourself, you feel confident, you act in any way you feel comfortable with, without thinking who might be judging you. Because you yourself got your back.
Search for yourself, declare your love for yourself before you do it to anyone else. Because no body can give you anything that you cannot give to or receive from yourself.
Lots of love
Today, I have done something that I usually don´t. Asking for help feels somewhat awkward, especially in the individualistic western world. We often deal with our problems by ourselves and we dont ask for help. Some people do this out of fear of rejection, and some others just have too much pride.
Any way, today I broke that pattern. I usually buy buss and subway tickets on an app, and unfortunately I forgot to charge my phone last night and my mobile had no battery when I left home. I was at the bus stop and counting all the coins I have, ( we are so used to use bank card that people these days don´t even carry cash with them 😦 ) I have small coins and I still need around 20 kroner ( about 2 dollars). I got on the bus and I said to the bus driver that I will off after three stops and if he can just give me ticket with the money I have. He refused and said it is not his problem. I agree, it is not, but I was desperate.still I cannot blame him. If there is a ticket control, I would have to pay 900 kroner( 90 dollar) fine. So I just sit down and hoping no one will check me. And I was lucky that I took off the bus without any problem after three stops. Now I had to take another bus, This time I will have ro ride longer and I need a ticket. There were only 3 minute left until my bus to come. So I picket up my courage, and went to this one girl who stood near me. I asked her if she had some coins that I can have to buy the ticket. She was surprise at first, maybe this is the first time people ask her money like that. But she didn’t refuse, She checked her pocket and wallet and said sorry, that she didn’t have any changes. I was pretty afraid and nervous though while I was asking her. And I said thank you and turned around. 1 minute to the bus to come. I went to the other girl, she also started to look into her bag and that time, the first girl I asked came with some coins and said ” I found it , do you still need it ” I was so happy. And I saw that she was happy too that she could help me out. And like a best friends, we three girls , who doesn’t even know each other smiled and become happy and got on the bus together.
So, despite of out anticipation of human race in this modern society, we still have that inborn kindness in us. All we have to do is reach out. Some times all you have to do is to ask. And you will find people are actually much more kinder than you think. And even if you get rejected and judged, it is not the case with everyone. The majority of human being are hungry for kindness and it actually makes us happy when we help one another.
Lots of Love
We all have certain kind of fear and it is a very uncomfortable feeling, well, most of the time. There are things that we are afraid of facing and thus we avoid them. Life is so strange that it doesn’t care about your fears and it throws those things that scares you the most on your way. This seems cruel in the beginning, but after sometime you realise that it was for the best, you actually needed it.
One of my biggest fear was facing conflict. Since I was young, I was so scared to argue with people, I dont know exactly why, but in the face of conflict, I get panic and I shut down, I try to get out of them as quickly as possible, I run and I turn my back, I do anything to stop this conflict. In my adult life, I avoided those kind of situation, I tried my hardest to stay away from people who looks too strict and ready to pick up a fight. It seemed that I was surviving, but I had to face those conflict any ways despite of my best effort. Continue reading
Today I had a horrible experience with one of neighbours over a very small thing from my perspective, but she felt wronged. This is just a small example of conflict between people. Most of the time we argue because we stand by what we believe is true. And there is nothing wrong with that, but if the other person apologises even when he or she has done nothing wrong in reality, you shouldn’t carry on the argument. That is exactly what happened today, I apologised even I have done nothing wrong, and my apologise was sincere, but she saw my apologise as sign of weakness, and she became even more noisy. So, apologising doesn’t work with everyone, I think it only work with mentally healthy people. But for people with low self-esteem, they victimise themselves even more when you apologise. Continue reading