Have you ever found yourself with the feeling of anger with unclear reason, that you feel irritated , basicly by everything and you are just angry. It took me quite a while to unlock this ridle of anger and be able to control it rather than it controls me .
I was and still am , sometimes, angery towards certain people when I was disappointed. I believe this is the feeling everyone has when they are disappointed. When I expressed my disappointment , it didn’t give the result that I expected. Instead of getting compensation for the disappointment, I ended up with even more disappointment and labeled as ” over reacting “. If I didn’t speak up and let other know about my feeling, well the anger, it bottled up and became bigger and bigger .
In order to avoid double disappoitment, I chose not to speak about my anger and just pretended to be fine. But this ” strategy” coast my self esteem and I ended up with anxiety problems. I got anxious speaking my mind as I was worried to be misunderstood, again. I ended up worry about my worries about getting misunderstood. (I think you got the point.) I started to doubt myself and beleived that I cannot do anything right as whatever I do , people misunderstand. I retreated into myself, so deep that my true self was no longer dare to present herself to the world. She was too afraid to be judged and labeled as ” sensitive ” and ” emotional”.
Well, enough of the negative side of the story. I decided to listen to my anger , rather than just get scared of it and become its prey. I asked myself ” what am I angery at?” . It is not just enough to ask the question but I did really contemplate on my past experiences which eventually provided me with some answers. I wasn’t angery at the people who disappointed me but certain events that took place when I was younger created certain beliefs about myself and the world around me which controlled my actions and my way of perceiving the world.
I decided, when I was younger , due to those experiences, that I am just too much, for anyone to accept me for who I am. I have learned not to trust , including myself. Not only I doubted myself, I also doubted others , their intention of approaching me. My anger was actually the manifestation of my self defense mechanism. I was angery because I believed that others are not accepting me for who I am , my voice wasn’t heard by others. This was the reason why I was so angery at people when they didn’t act in the way I expected. Well, it was not wise of me to have such a expectation of others either. After all, I failed to treat mysel in the most kind and loving way.
It was simply a self fulfilling prophecy. I believe we all have such story and certain beliefs about ourselves and others. We perceive people base on these beliefs and we socialize as if we know exactly who we are and who others are. Well, we are wrong. We have yet so much to learn about ourselves and we are not in the position to claim that we know about others intention behind their actions, maybe they themselves don’t have a clue of why they did certain thing. After all, aren’t we all humans? We see what we want to see in other people and in ourselves .
They key to make a change is to break the cycle of thought. Next time when you are angery, ask yourself ” what am I really angry at/for?”. Is it really the long cue that you are standing at, or is it really your spouse or your child or your job, or is it you, you unconscious thoughts. Find the pattern of your thinking every time you get angery.
Honestly no one has he power of making you angery or making you happy. ( this is another topic ). You choose to feel that way. You are welcome to disagree with me, but first put it in a test and really think about it.
I will speak to you more soon and until the I hope this article helps to gain some insight about your anger !
Lots of love