Last time I wrote about anger, and today I want to write about how to express these anger along with other negative emotion that make us feel so intense and unable us to operate more effectively in our daily life.
We all have experience with negative emotion. Anger, frustration, disappointment and grief is inevitable in our lives. Mose of the time, expressing these emotions can backfire and ruin our closet relationships. Whether its between married couples, or closet friends and family members, it is important to learn the art of expression negative emotion properly instead of hiding them and bottle up everything inside.
Hiding your negative emotions eventually cause a bigger problem. It clouds your judgment and perception about the situation and you find yourself anger over small things due to this cumulated negative emotions. Expressing and maning you negative emotions are also a form of self acceptance. You accept your negative feelings instead of suppressing and dismissing them. This is also a form of self love. Simply telling yourself ” I know you are not ok, and it is ok not to be ok. I am right here and I am listening ” is something that no one can do for you and even if they do , it won´t be as effective as you did it for yourself.
Come back to expressing your negative emotion, you have to talk about them. And talking about them doesn’t mean to put the blame on the other person and lashing out your anger by shouting. No, it means, calmly talk about the negative emotion by naming the feeling. Hw do you feel about what happened just now? does it make you feel anger, disappointed, tired, anxious? Find your feelings and just name them.
simply saying ” This makes me feel so angry” without shouting, in and itself is enough. Expressing negative emotion this way helps you to increase the bond between you and yourself, and also improves the relationship. By improve , I mean either end a relationship that doesn’t appreciates your presence or create more understanding between you and the other person and he or she will get to know your limits and boundaries.
This is , of course as anything else, easier to say than done. few month ago, I was betrayed by someone that I have trusted and considered as friend. I was there for her every time she needed me, but when I failed to do so just one time, she said I don’t have the sense of responsibility and that I have hurt her feelings, she brought up old things and pointed out my flaws in a very rude and unfriendly way.
I was shocked, for me, it was other way around. She had been always so rude and yet I kept her as friend. I never said she hurt my feelings. I hid this disappointment to keep the friendship, but eventually it caused a bigger disappointment. I have learned that no matter what happens, when someone hurts your feeling for the first time, you have to speak up and let the person know that you didn’t like that. If the person really cares for you, he or she will definitely respects you boundaries. If not, then this will end your relationship for good.
Naming your negative feelings and let them out in a calm way is the best medicine for your negative state of mind. Letting it out helps you to gain new perspective about the situation which you think is bad. While talking about it, you realise certain things that you didn’t notices before.
Lots of Love