When I gave up the person who I was , the pretended me, the push over me, the people pleasing me, I felt like I Jumped from a cliff without knowing how deep it is and how I will end up, it was risky and I got scared, but I knew deep down that I have to jump no matter what, because if I keep staying on that edge, I will die or get hurt or bad things will happen to me, over and over again. As I was literally pushed to that edge, and given no option than to jump.
I am falling, I dont know when I will land, even thought I am afraid, it is better than living that life I left behind. I gain courage to believe that there is someone down there, who is ready to catch me and save me. And that person no other than myself, the adult and mature self. The self that knows in order to experience great things in this life, we have to give up being the old self who couldn’t produce the result we hoped for. When I made the decision of jumping, I got anxious, and I am still anxious, and I am scared. But on thing is for sure, if I have listened to my fears and acted upon my fear, I would be even more miserable. I would have then sacrificed my self esteem, my dignity.
I jumped , in order to keep my dignity, to honour myself. That is why there shouldn’t be any regrets and I just have to fall until I reach the bottom and see what is there waiting for me. I will have to have faith in myself , the adult and mature self, that she will save me.