Everyone has different degree of sensitivity when it comes to handle others behaviour, especially the ones that make us uncomfortable. The thing is, thoughts and feelings are very subjective. What I find uncomfortable may not seem that must of a problem for you and vice versa. The point is, there is always a general rule that apply for everyone, that is why people can sell their books about self improvement, where they share there own experience and somehow the reader can relate to it.
I have been spending a lot of time with myself, finding out who I really am and what makes me tick. I have always struggled with my relationships with other people, wether it is a friend or someone even closer. Despite of my efforts of being the kindest person out there, I always pushed people away. It seemed that I have done everything right, I have watched my words, I was careful with what I do, so that I don’t offence the other person unknowingly. Basically, I was doing everything I can to make this person happy, rather I ended up blowing everything to the air by getting angry at the end, because I was disappointed. I was disappointed because I didn’t get the response I was expecting through my behaviour. I always believed that if only I am nice and kind, and non offensive, people will like me. But it never happen.
I started believe that there is something wrong with me, I don’t know how to interact with other people, and relationship simply seemed so struggling. So I gave up, and it has been literally five years that I have been single. I didn’t allow myself to get to know anyone, because I was too scared of getting disappointed again. And I didn’t like being the people- pleaser any more. When we are in a close relationship with people, at some point we want to know what the other people stands. And if they act cold or distance, this makes us feel unsettled and it leads to frustration, even to insecurites.
I started to see my destructive way of thinking when it comes to close relationships in my life, and most of these beliefs formed when I was younger. My relationship with my parents and close family members repeated itself when I grow up, with different people. With people that I cared about. My ability to express my emotions and feelings in a free and non offensive way was blocked when I was younger, and therefore when I get frustrated in relationships, instead owning my feelings, I implicitly asked the other person to take care of it for me. This can be in the form of blaming.
So , I advised myself to learn how to own my own feelings and thoughts, and every single negative things I feel is not other person´s fault, but simply my own perception. I perceived the situation differently than the others person, and therefore, I have to state that feeling , instead of stating the others person´s behaviour. Like I say in the beginning of this post, we all have different degree of sensitivity and what seems normal to you may not seem very normal to me. And it is ok, because being different does not mean being wrong. As long as you know that what you feel is yours, not someone else´s.
Lots of Love