In the face of conflict

Today I had a horrible experience with one of neighbours over a very small thing from my perspective, but she felt wronged. This is just a small example of conflict between people. Most of the time we argue because we stand by what we believe is true. And there is nothing wrong with that, but if the other person apologises even when he or she has done nothing wrong in reality, you shouldn’t carry on the argument. That is exactly what happened today, I apologised even  I have done nothing wrong, and my apologise was sincere, but she saw my apologise as sign of weakness, and she became even more noisy. So, apologising doesn’t work with everyone, I think it only work with mentally healthy people. But for people with low self-esteem, they victimise themselves even more when you apologise.

I was tired of hearing her complains and at the end I couldn’t not control myself, and I shouted at her and told her to just go home. I am sure she will tell this story very differently if you ask her. Who is right and who is wrong here? No body. YEs, no one is at fault and no one is right. Argument starts because we believe the other person is wrong. When you approach matters from this perspective, you won’t listen to other person, and all you have to say is how right you are and how wronged you are. I am honestly confused about what happened. And what exactly this person want me to do besides apologising.

I am writing this post in the hope to gain some perspective of the matter and I definitely don´t want to see myself as a victim. We both came from a different perspective and yet I have apologised just for her to stop. No body owes any one anything. Yet, some people think you owe them something when you apologise. I dont say I am a perfect person, no , I am not. And it is 100% possible that I have done something ” wrong” according to this person, and therefore I apologised.

Then I have learned that, some people doesn’t worth your time to argue with. If they dont listen to your side of the story and only persist of what they have perceived, then this will never end well even if you admit that you are ” wrong” and apologise for thousand times. unfortunately, not every one has the capacity to put themselves in other peoples´s shoe.

In order to effectively handle a conflict, its crucial to listen to both sides, and come to an common conclusion where both sides agree. on the other hand, if one person victimise themselves over what happened, then you will know that you can never be understood by this person no matter what you do, because her or his feelings are coming from that you have done ” wrong” to them. And this belief won’t change easily.

 

Lots of Love.

Marbiya

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