Fear of Facing Fear

We all have certain kind of fear  and it is a very uncomfortable feeling, well, most of the time. There are things that we are afraid of facing and thus we avoid them. Life is so strange that it doesn’t care about your fears and it throws those things that scares you the most on your way. This seems cruel in the beginning, but after sometime you realise that it was for the best, you actually needed it.

One of my biggest fear was facing conflict. Since I was young, I was so scared to argue with people, I dont know exactly why, but in the face of conflict, I get panic and I shut down, I try to get out of them as quickly as possible, I run and I turn my back, I do anything to stop this conflict. In my adult life, I avoided those kind of situation, I tried my hardest to stay away from people who looks too strict and ready to pick up a fight. It seemed that I was surviving, but I had to face those conflict any ways despite of my best effort. 

The first few times, I kept quite, because when somebody argues with me, I go blank and I have got nothing to say, I just had to cry until my eyes are red. After that I started to get angry, I started to shout and cream at the person who tried to blame for nothing and being so irrational. Because I couldn’t get my point listened and I felt wronged. Despite of having the best intention, people often interpret your action based on their own expectations.They expect something from you ,and when you didn’t fulfil their expectations, they blame you for that.

Any way, I had to face my fears, even if I dont want it. Life presented me a chance to overcome this fear, and I think I got to know something about myself. I had to stand by my side no matter what happens, as long as I believe that I have done nothing wrong, and if I have done really something wrong, then apologise, although apologising doesn’t work with everyone.  I should never allow others opinion to define me.

So, when you get the chance to face you fear, take that chance, and face it. you will find out something amazing about yourself and this is you biggest prize.

Lots of Love

Marbiya

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