Not long ago, I caught myself being judgmental towards some people. I was so certain that what they did were wrong. But then I asked this very question from myself. They did something wrong according to who? me? the society? or God?
When it concerns me, I reflected so much about this judgment, and I couldn’t find a solid base for my judgment. If I said they were ” wrong” then did I mean that I was ” right”?It can always be other way around if you change your perspective. But, what bothered me the most was that why did I judge people at the first place? Because it troubles me more than it troubles others. The person whom I judged might not even care about what I think. So where did this judgement come from? I then realise that I judge myself as well. I judge myself based on my past ” mistakes”, which wasn’t actually a mistake when I did them, but then my later version became so ” righteous” that she decided to pass her judgment on my older version , or the younger self, and decided that she is guilty. Because she is a perfectionist, and she couldn’t tolerate my decisions.
The very base for my judgment towards others and myself is coming from my childhood experience, having parents who put such a high expectations, and having me who internalised those expectations and tried so hard to live up to it. Anything that is different seemed wrong. I wanted to liberate myself from this judgment so I decided to have a talk with my judgmental self.
I eventually convinced her to go easy with me. I told her that I am ok with my flaw. I am ok to make mistakes, I am ok to be misunderstood, I am ok to fail and try again, and I am ok to be who I am , right now and right here. When I made this choice, I feel like I am ok with others mistakes too. I stopped being judgmental towards others. Whenever this judging feeling try to come out, I remind myself how imperfect I am too that I am not in a position to judge. This is not a kindness to others, this is for myself. By doing this, I actually saved myself from lots of distress. And people around me started to feel closer. Because at the end of the day, who doesn’t want to be accepted as they are, with all those mistakes and flaws and all.
Lots of Love